200 Things: Family

By Sharon Astyk. Reprinted with permission.

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Talk to your older kids about sex, birth control, responsibility, your values and what you expect of them. Have this conversation early and often, and combine it with a discussion of peak oil, so that they can understand what the implications of early sexual activity and childbearing might be in a post-peak world. Offer them a vision of what you hope for and expect from them, as well as a list of negatives. And while condoms have a limited lifespan, even old condoms are better than nothing. Store some in a cool dark place if you have teenagers, or will soon.

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Children, the elderly and ill or disabled family members are more likely to experience “appetite fatigue” and stop eating if their diet suddenly changes because of a crisis. Start eating the foods in your storage in the ways you are likely to enjoy them right now. Allow your bodies time to adapt to whole grains, more fresh vegetables, beans, a vegetarian or mostly vegetarian diet, fewer fats, less salt and sugar, etc.. Dietary changes are stressful - so make them gradually. Even short periods of malnutrition can do real harm.

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Resolve family conflicts whenever possible. Unless you are prepared to see your parents go homeless, your annoying brother-in-law starving, you will end up helping them. You might as well get along in the meantime. Find common ground - you will need each other.

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Write letters to family and close friends to help them be prepared to come to you in a crisis or evacuation - include direction including via back roads, lists of things to bring and not to bring (what should they do with pets, for example?), a list of your expectations if you are together for an extended period, etc… Also, consider where you would evacuate to, and what plans you need to make.

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Do everything you can to nurse your babies. This is not a criticism of those who cannot, but as Hurricane Katrina proved, nursing can literally save your child’s life in a crisis situation. In less severe situations, the additional health and nutritional benefits may help an infant or young child survive, and can provide them with security and comfort as well. Nurse as long as possible - the world average age of weaning is 4, and “at least 2 years” is recommended by the WHO. In a crisis, a lactating woman may be able to help out someone else’s baby, even if their own is fine.

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Learn basic first aid, herbalism, and any other useful medical information you can come by. Have the tools to assess conditions, deal with basic medical crises, and endure an epidemic or crisis in your home if hospitals are turning people away.

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Encourage your children to start a business of their own, perhaps managing animals, or growing food in their own gardens and selling it. Treat what they do seriously, and validate them for contributing to the welfare of the house.

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Don’t entertain your children all the time. Even older babies (1 year+) can be expected to amuse themselves for periods of a half hour or so, assuming their basic needs are met, or can be expected to hang out quietly in a sling or carrier. Increase the periods of time that children play independently gradually. Help older children learn to guide and watch out for younger ones.

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Talk about your economic values with your kids - begin early “local food is better because it doesn’t use so much energy - let’s ask where these carrots came from.” As they get older, you can offer more information, and use it as an educational tool. “Well, the reason we don’t want you to have these clothes is because we think they came from a company that forces children to do work for them - and we don’t want to support that. But let’s see if we can find out whether that’s true or not. We can call the company, and search for articles about the brand and its labor practices…”

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There is enough baby stuff on the planet already. Don’t buy new if you can avoid it. If you ask around, or check Freecycle, all the cute clothes you could ever want will appear.

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Consider homeschooling if you can. Not only is it a good energy saver, it can spare your kids some of the heavier pressures to consume. It is also a lot of fun for both parents and kids.

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If an emergency happened while everyone was at school or work, where would you meet up? How would you get in touch if cell phone lines were overloaded? Make a plan, or several plans for who checks on who, where you meet and where you go, and choose a relative that everyone can leave connecting messages with.

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There is no need for children to know all the bad news. Make adaptation fun - tell them we’re making our presents because homemade things are nicer or that we’re doing it this way because that’s how they did it long ago. Older children need to know about some realities, but young kids should be protected as much as possible.

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More than half of people who undergo trauma experience depression, anxiety or post-traumatic stress disorder. Know the signs, provide support, and watch children especially. Expect it to take a long time before the symptoms disappear and life gets back to normal. Be understanding.

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Create household routines that can be adapted even if things change - bedtime routines, the morning cuppa, whatever it is, these provide reassurance and stability for adults and children. Even if the bedtime routine is done by flashlight and the cuppa is hot water poured over mint from your garden, stable routines say “some things have changed, but the essentials remain the same.”

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If you have young children, buy books for older kids at yard and library sales. Stock up on educational books as well so that if the schools close, you can continue their education. Remember, children who are raised in hard times may not be as excited as you are about reading books on gardening and building - these things may be natural to them. So have books on as wide a range of subjects as possible - mathematics, art, history, politics. And have some escapist material for both children and adults - mysteries, science fiction, comic books, romance novels - everyone needs to be taken away now and again.

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For disabled family members, make sure your local responders and local utilities know there is someone seriously ill or disabled here. If special treatments are required, learn how to give them whenever possible. Plan your daily life to integrate and include them as much as possible.

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Pay attention to your marriage/partnership. Stress is a problem for many marriages. Make sure you have healthy, enjoyable ways of dealing with stress, and that even in hard times, your partner knows that you love and are committed to her/him. If you don’t have a partner, consider making it a priority - life is easier as a duo.

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